Um, yeah.

Okay, so due to the caffeine I’m currently consuming, I actually have some ideas.  They may not be interesting, but at least they are something.  Hurray for Dr. Pepper!

Our family has recently come up with a new survey question.  The answer is very telling (though what exactly it tells you is kind of hard to determine). 

How much money would it take for you to eat a level tablespoon of human feces from an unknown source?

Here are the answers below:

Toby:  $200,000

Heather:  No price

Rachel:  $1,000,000

Gus:  $1,000

Kate:  $1,000,000

Magnus:  $200,000

Phyllis:  No price

Mike:  No price

Philip:  No price

Corinna:  No price

What does this say about the Miller value system vs. the Wells value system.  It seems that the Wells are less mercenary than the Millers.  And Gus, well, it says something about him, but I don’t think it says anything good.  So readers (both of you), how much would it take?

Thank God for Dr. Pepper.  I just drank another third of a bottle, and I think I can actually muster up the energy to write something.  No promises that it will be interesting, but it’s worth a try.

The last few weeks seem to have passed very quickly for everyone else.  I think this may be the first summer where that hasn’t been the case for me.  From the time I was a kid, summer always flew by too fast.  Even in the last few years, when fall no longer meant an end to freedom or the need to leave the comfort of home, I still greeted it with surprise and wonder.  Summer has always seemed like the fastest season.

But that’s not true this year.  I think this is the longest July I have ever seen.  Even with work and travel and weekend activities, it seems to stretch on and on.  I seriously feel that it has been July for three months now.

Why?  Well, the easiest answer is that the baby has made me so tired that every minute, even at home, feels like those endless days at work when there is nothing to do and you must somehow appear to be occupied.  I fill up the evenings with watching TV and talking on the phone.  But really, I don’t think this entirely accounts for the slow passage of time.

It’s also like the way children feel about those weeks before Christmas.  They count down the days, and each day passes so slowly because they wait for the excitement of the gift-laden tree and overstuffed stockings.

The baby is my Christmas.  I have wanted a baby since I wasa baby.  It’s like I’ve lived my whole life knowing that at some point this would come, and now it feels like the very begining of December.  Six more months!  It seems like forever.  So as July slowly passes in its daze of exhaustion, I wait for next February when my whole life and world will turn on the single moment of seeing my baby for the first time.

In the meantime, we get to hear its heartbeat in six more days….

We finally decided to put Ozzie to sleep yesterday.  He had just been getting gradually worse, and we were concerned about how he would handle being left alone for a week while we are camping.  I think we made the right decision, though I really, really miss his purring and just his constant presence on my lap.  It was especially hard last night, but I think it will get better over time.

Greg was so great.  He asked how we were doing several times and was really sensitive to making Ozzie as comfortable as possible.  He supported our decision completely, offering all kinds of reassurance that we were doing the right thing.  He let us sit with Ozzie’s body for a long time afterwards and even offered to bury him on their property if we wanted him to.

We are having him cremated, and we will bury his ashes on the South side of our house, where he will get lots of sun.  He always liked to curl up in a patch of sunshine.

The best things about Ozzie:

- his loud purr

- the way he followed me around and sat on my lap all the time

- his intelligence

- his lineage, which is always interesting to relate to people

- the fact that everyone but me found him totally disgusting

- his athleticism

- his croaky meow

Okay, this will probably be somewhat baby-centric, but I suppose any post is better than nothing.  Maybe.

Trying to survive the exhaustion.  I’m so tired that I sleep 16 hours a day when I can and just lie around the rest of the time.  Between the exhaustion and the hormones, I’ve been something of an emotional wreck.  Poor Magnus.  He is doing so well.  He’s started making dinner every night, cleaning the kitchen, doing the grocery shopping, plus taking care of the lawn and working full time.  I feel so bad that I can’t help him a little more.  I did do a bit of cleaning this weekend, though.  Anyway, I think I have the world’s best husband.

My dad had a good suggestion that I use an affirmation to cope with this whole thing.  Usually, I think affirmations are a load of crap, but in this case, it might actually help.  So my affirmation is this:  “I do what I need to do each day to take care of myself and the baby.”  I like that because it puts me in an active role, rather than just reacting to the tiredness and hormones (which is probably closer to the truth).

And heck, at least I’m not puking.

I’m catching up on some good TV too, since all I do right now is watch TV and work on hand sewing.  I know how lame that is in the summer, but I guess that will be my life for the next 4-6 weeks at least.

We are not doing the deck project, since I just don’t have the energy to worry about the detail of it.  That’s kind of a relief too.

Oh, we also went to the first midwife visit on Monday.  She’s fabulous.  She said the exhaustion is normal, though.  But she stressed how healthy I am, which I think is the first time I’ve ever heard a healthcare provider say that to me.  You usually go to a doctor when you’re sick, and with my asthma, there is always a lot of focus on that stuff.  It was really nice to hear that I am healthy.  I think that was kind of an affirmation in itself.  I’ve never thought of myself as a healthy person, and I like changing that.

Sorry for the disjoineted entry.  Having a hard time stringing thoughts together, but this is the best I can do right now.  Look for better writing in 4-6 weeks.  In the meantime, I’ll try to post some drivel on a regular basis (just to stay in the habit).